Inspired by Cinderellen

cinderellen's corner: My Stuff, Prole Style

I was inspired by Cinderellen's post to create my own list of necessities:

Necessary Extravagance:   A good haircut
Favorite Place in the World:  The beach
Jeans:  Gloria Vanderbilt from BJ's
T Shirt: Actually a heavy weight long sleeve polo from the Eddie Bauer circa 1999
Jewelry: fun Gumball necklace from cheap beach store
Obsessed with shoes by:  any shoe in a AA or AAA width at any price
Sheets:  Would love to have good sheets, am too cheap to pay the big bucks
Lipstick:  Rimmel
Moisturizer:  from the drug store sale flyer
Where do you go for facials:  I put my face over the dishwasher during the drying cycle
Toothpaste:  Crest

more perspective

I posted about my good friend whose life is hell due to the incapacity of her husband caused by medical errors.  Although they will be financially able to afford his care, they will be forever in a state of hell.  That put my petty concerns into perspective really fast.

Now, I have had three friends in the last couple of weeks who are all dealing with various stages of medical problems - all of which have long term consequences for them and remind all of us of our mortality.  One friend, who was actually just diagnosed a few weeks ago, is undergoing treatment that I'm afraid my actually kill him.  Although no one wants to say the words "palliative care" I think they are important to keep in mind.  Treatment that provides no anticipation of any future quality of life may not be the best choice.

Another friend is having problems with medication balances which are rendering her virtually a prisoner in her home since she has no idea when she will just collapse!    A scary thing to find your body is just unable to hold you up anymore and finding your self on the floor.

And another just sent an email that says "Need to reschedule because we have an appointment at Hopkins that day that we can't change...."  OK, that is actually code for "we are seeking a second or third opinion, or we have something so complicated that we are heading to Hopkins."  Although Johns Hopkins is just about an hour away from us no one uses it as our first line medical care.  So, that email tells me a lot in a few words.

Knock wood, we are all in good health, including my 92 year old father, so even when I complain I really know that I have nothing to complain about.  Life is good.  My job now is to be a good friend to all these good friends since I know they would do the same for me.

catching up, getting ready

After a lovely "work week" at the beach where I sat around watching people to install new windows and a new door at my condo I returned home to get things around the house here caught up. 

My father' birthday dinner - Thanksgiving Birthday Dinner - went flawlessly thanks to the catering company that provided all the food!  This was both easy and surprisingly economical.  Food for 6 guests (and plenty of leftovers) all cooked to perfection and ready for my pickup came to $140.  I don't think that I would have spent much less on the food had I prepared it myself.  Turkey breasts at this time of year are not cheap, if you can even find one as was my problem when I tried to do this myself a few years ago.  And we had food for everyone to take home.  And the price included a spectacular birthday cake that was truly the best cake I've ever eaten (one trick was she added a touch of almond extract to the yellow cake, but she wouldn't tell me the secret to the perfect fudge icing).   Everyone had a good time, my father was happy and I didn't stress over getting the dinner on the table so success all around.

Next we have had some maintenance work done on our house - recent installation of a new heating and air conditioning, then exterior painting and repair of roof and siding.  I feel like I've done little but watch people work.  The house now looks good and should stay in good repair for a number of years.

Now I'm working at getting the inside of the house in order for us to be gone for almost 4 weeks.  Its not like leaving for the weekend.  And I'm deciding on clothes, changing my mind, pulling out different items, repeat.  Actually I'm good with the clothes now (until I change my mind again) but I do have a definite shoe issue.  I really dislike shoes, I have few shoes that actually fit me, and I can't stand wearing athletic shoes at all, which everyone seems to insist are necessary for walking distances.  My feet just get claustrophobic and want to be let loose!  So I have had a new cycle of purchase, return, repeat.  I had a huge box for Zappos.com (which I love because I can try on the shoes at all different times of day, kinds of sock/stockings, with pants, dresses, etc.  and then return the ones I don't like) from which I selected 1 pair which I'm still debating on keeping.  (Another Zappos.com perk is you have a whole year to decide if you like them.) 

We are at two weeks and counting before our departure for Spain and I'm into making the last of the lists of things to get done.  Rental car is next up but I had to recover from buying the train tickets which should have been easy but like most things in Spain, was not.  I tried the website in English and in Spanish to see what I was missing and it was just hit or miss if the transaction would go through.  Finally, after two days of trying,  I got all the tickets purchased and printed.   The rental car issues were things that could be discussed in English with insurance and credit card companies so I think I have a handle on the rules and insurance coverage and just need to deal with the second driver charges (I'm thinking that Charlie can do all the driving and I'll save that money!)

Busy weekend ahead - Happy Hour with friends on Friday, Bar Mitzvah for grandson of dear friends on Saturday, movies with other friends on Saturday night, Sunday brunch for my father.   Now off to make another list ......

• Let all credit card and bank know we are in Europe so they don't close down our accounts
• Get zinc tabs and meletonin from health food store
• Copies of all documents scanned on put onto phone/cloud
• Stop mail/Stop paper
• Arrangements for airport transportation
• Hair cut/eyebrows/makeup purchase - sounds like a day at the mall
• ............

My day put my life in perspective

Today I had spent the afternoon with a friend who's living in a strange version of hell.  She was a widow until she remarried a few years ago.  He was a nice enough man, not the love of her life, but they seemed on track to have a pleasant life until.......   he needed neck surgery.   The surgery was basically successful but then he fell while in the hospital and that started a series of medical issues that have gone on for a year.  He has finally returned home from multiple hospitalizations and rehab centers.  He should not be living at home and she should not be having to care for him.  He can't eat, he can't swallow, he can't walk;  he is a living skeleton.    It is the saddest thing I've almost ever seen.  She has arranged for daytime help but she does the night shift.

She is a beautiful, vibrant, smart woman who loves life.  He is barely alive.  We spent the afternoon at a nice French cafe, sitting outside and chatting and drinking wine and trying to forget what awaited her at home.  I dropped her back at her home and like I was leaving  her in hell. 

No matter what my problems and frustrations I wouldn't trade for her's for anything.    

When I was in high school my father took a job running an electrical power plant for the U.S. Navy in Rota, Spain.  Rota is in southern Spain, Andalucia, on the Atlantic coast.  My years in Rota were magical and I have always wanted to return.  This fall, over 40 years later, I finally get my chance.

The base is still there, albeit smaller than when I was there, and the town of Rota where I lived is much bigger, but it is still a classic Spanish beach town without the hoards of foreign tourists.  It is where actual Spaniards go on summer holiday.  We will be staying almost four weeks in Spain and 11 days of that will be spent in Rota.  I've booked an apartment right in town from Airbnb so that we can actually "live" in Spain again.  We will do our breakfast at the small bar down the street, go to the mercado to get food for dinner, and take our paseo in the evening.  I'm getting more and more excited as we are now within a month of leaving.  Every morning I look at the Airbnb pictures of the apartment and think about what I'll do once I'm there.

If you want to dream along with me you can find me here - https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/338483

Just finished reading.....

"The Orphan Master's Son" by Adam Johnson.    It won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction for 2013.  This is our book club selection for our September meeting and some friends who read it before I did really didn't like it.  I think it is not the kind of book you "like" but I found it fascinating and scary.  Taking place in North Korea it deals with the issues of propaganda,  the power of the North Korean government over the people, and the subjugation of "self" in order to survive. The government has the power to declare false to be true and create histories and stories that become true by their telling.  If you are wearing the clothes and the leader calls you a name, you have just become that person and even people who know you are NOT that person will accept your new role and persona and go along with it without missing a beat.  Lots of violence and awful stuff but I believe it is a pretty violent and awful place.  I recommend it with the caveat that you need to read a better synopsis and review before you make the decision to spend your money.  I think it is another one of the books that people should read to remind themselves that not all people "think" the way we do and we cannot expect them to react as we do.  We need to understand people on their terms, whether we like those terms or not. 

There are some things I just don't understand.....

like how one family I know thinks it is ok to have a feeding tube inserted into a 92 year old woman in a coma and agonize over (and prolong) her impending death.  And the son who made the decision is a medical doctor! Does he have not one clue that he is making the very short time she has left that much worse?  Is he so very frightened of death that he cannot imagine that it would be better than the hell this woman is currently experiencing?  These people are devout Catholics so I would think that they would be comforted by the idea that she is going to "a better place with God".  Or is their faith really so tenuous that they only believe in punishment not reward for a life well lived?  Or maybe her life wasn't well lived and she maybe was a truly awful person and they think she is going to hell?  And we have now spent ten's of thousands of Medicare dollars to keep this body nourished (but clearly not eating or interacting).  This is good use of medical resources?  I just don't understand.