OK, things are getting better.  I finally told him flat out I was tired of him bitching at me all the time and then I made a trip to his house where I only did the chores and errands, did not stay for conversation, and took a very businesslike approach. I made it clear I would not abandon him but I would not let him rule my life (both internal and external).  I've had two days off from his demands and time for lunch with a friend and an afternoon learning to play Mah Jongg.  I'll just enjoy this for the time that it lasts.