I love you so much. Please go home.

My children have been home for Christmas week.  Now that they are adults and are not living close to me I only see them once or twice a year and at the most stressful times, generally Christmas or Thanksgiving - when there are just far too many expectations of what it "should" be like.   I've always said that the best thing about living close to my father is that I don't have to visit him for more than a couple of hours at a time.  I visit frequently but in short bursts.  I think that would be best with my own children, too. We had a fabulous visit during our "Kidsgiving" where we were only in town for 36 hours for our visit with them.

Being back in the childhood rooms seems to have some power to make them children again.  Redecorating the rooms didn't remove the aura of old grudges, fights, hurts, and disappointments.  They try to push past it all but boredom, exhaustion, and drink all get in the way of maintaining that hard-fought-for control of hurt feelings.  Then someone lashes out at someone or makes a hurtful comment or just takes offensive at something completely unintended and innocent and the room either goes quiet or erupts.  Hard to tell which way it will go.  I've tried to make an effort to just not react or come to anyone's defense this year which makes me just sit staring into space much of the time. They must think that I'm drugged.

I love them both so very much but I do wish that I could have their visits in more frequent, smaller doses.  And I bet they do, too.

Instead of panicking I should just be grateful that over 50 people want to spend Noche Buena with us. Off to grocery for more cheese, crackers, and maybe meatballs!  I'll slice the pork roast thin and add a couple of cans of beans.  Fun night ahead!

and now for a reality check

A man rings my doorbell.  When I answer he is standing away from the door, as though not to frighten me.  In broken English he asks if I have any work.  A number of years ago a similar man knocked at my door on Christmas Eve with the same question.  That day I had work that needed to be finished in the yard so I gave him work.  He still works for us many years later. So this time  I sadly shake my head and say no, I'm sorry I don't have anything.  He says thank you and walks on to the next house.  I come back into my nice warm house and wonder what I should have done.

the traditional Noche Buena to-do list

Sent the evites for Noche Buena yesterday and now the countdown begins!  With invites out to potentially 80 people we will probably end up with 30+ as actual attendees.    We are currently at 14 and the invites haven't been out there for 24 hours yet.  I'll have to look at past years attendance  I think it has been as many as 50 and as few as 28. Edit:  now approaching or surpassing 40. It all depends on which people are hosting Christmas for their families and which are going out of town for Christmas.  And on which children's friends are home for Christmas.  Alas, my favorite Michael is now living in LA and won't be here.  It's a tradition that I find him on the sofa on Christmas morning and send him home to his parents house.

My menu is always a work in progress so I'll see how it ends up at the end.

Menu
Boneless pork loins - need to buy another one  Now have three ready to cook
Picadillo meat ballsj - made and in freezer  Need to make one more bag of meatballs
Black Beans - in freezer  Will throw in a couple more cans of beans
Rice  Borrow extra rice cooker from Margie
Plantains - maduros and tostones? purchased and ready for re-heating  Receheck supply and cook in advance for reheating

Appetizers
Deviled ham spread  Buy cream cheese and deviled ham
Olive/Cheese balls  Done
Salami/etc  check supply and buy some more cheese
Parmesean cheese sticks - in freezer
and what else?  search through new tapas books - make olive/almond recipe from Trader Joes's cookbook 
chifles
Cream cheese and guava jelly on triscuit

Dessert -  Cookies!  - in freezer

BUY MORE WINE/BEER/ Make punch

• Get tree decorated and place plastic poinsettias around for color and decoration.    -
  Done
• Start the cooking frenzy and freeze, freeze, freeze - In progress
• Trader Joes for wine
• Decide on a non-alcoholic punch for this year.  I hate all those left over sodas that we don't drink.  - Cranberry/Lemonade -
•  Wrap gifts - basically done
•  Clean, Clean, Clean
•  
•  

Thanksgiving in three parts

Thanksgiving doesn't follow some specific pattern at my house except I always cook.  Occasionally it will be a small group of just us and my dad and a child or two.  Usually it has been a bigger affair, since once you are cooking all that food you may as well have lots of people to eat it so we've had the year when the table was full of children's friends who were all criss-crossing the country during Thanksgiving and happened to be in DC at the time.  That was a giant rauccous group including a stuffed owl doll at the table!  Another noteworthy Thanksgiving was one where one simple invite to a divorced friend ended with me hosting her new boyfriends entire family for Thanksgiving.  (I did not issue her a T-giving invite in subsequent years.)  Often it is  just a random collection of famlly and friends and one of my favorites was when Thanksgiving dinner was the rehearsal dinner for K and G's wedding and we had our entire new family in attendance - all 17 of us plus kids!

This year was entirely different.  Starting with what may end up as a new tradition we had a Friendsgiving at a friend's home on the Saturday before Thankstgiving.. A group of us who are all good friends were invited and she fixed a lovely Thanksgiving meal.   It was a nice small friendly group, not including any family so we minimized the potential for family arguments, door slamming and tears which also seems to go hand in hand with the Thanksgiving tradition.

Then on Thanksgiving Day I made a turkey pot pie from leftover turkey I found in the freezer from last Christmas and we enjoyed a day at the house getting some chores done and an all around quiet and relaxed day.  I LOVED it.


And our final, and family Thanksgiving, will be next weekend when we go to Michigan and join the children at the girls home where they are planning to cook a Thanksgving meal (god help us) and we will spend a whirlwind 36 hours with them, and get to meet the girlfriend!  (I am taking back-up Cuban sandwiches and pastries just in case........)

From "I See You Everywhere" by Julia Glass

"I've tried, I really have, to let go of the world - but I can't.  The world weighs so much and it bears down so hard."

"......we had our full dose of Sunday school - like a course of antibiotics...."

"I have learned, just recently, to give people things to do in a crisis.  Accepting favors is an odd form of mercy."

Inspired by Cinderellen

cinderellen's corner: My Stuff, Prole Style

I was inspired by Cinderellen's post to create my own list of necessities:

Necessary Extravagance:   A good haircut
Favorite Place in the World:  The beach
Jeans:  Gloria Vanderbilt from BJ's
T Shirt: Actually a heavy weight long sleeve polo from the Eddie Bauer circa 1999
Jewelry: fun Gumball necklace from cheap beach store
Obsessed with shoes by:  any shoe in a AA or AAA width at any price
Sheets:  Would love to have good sheets, am too cheap to pay the big bucks
Lipstick:  Rimmel
Moisturizer:  from the drug store sale flyer
Where do you go for facials:  I put my face over the dishwasher during the drying cycle
Toothpaste:  Crest