getting to fine

Marianne of bushafullofgrace.typepad.com commented that she loved my life and I realized I do too. How lucky I am!  Right now I am in a "life is good" place.  I've sometimes been in the dark places where I see no solutions, no hope, great despair, terror, embarrassment.......   but the mantra is "it will all be fine" until you come out at the other side.   And "fine" is not necessarily "wonderful".  It is fine.  It is acceptable. It is 'I can live with this.'  It is fine.  I think that accepting 'fine' has brought me hope and happiness because I rarely am envious, I don't often covet, and I know that everyone's life is not nearly as wonderful as I probably think it is. So, I'm very happy when things are 'fine'.

So I have had a very 'fine' beach vacation.  Initially Charlie stayed for two very busy weeks and then I was to have my private vacation where I had plans for long sits on the beach, lunch with friends, visits from a girlfriend.  It all disappeared in a whirlwind, including an unscheduled visit by Charlie for a week in the midst of my "girl" plans.  But it turned out to be very fine.

Things I have loved during this trip:

• My visit with B. She really needed her time here to vent and decompress and be reminded that she has options in her life, and friends that date back to the baby pool.  Friends that know that she deserves better and are perfectly willing to say so and to point options.  My listening skills were well utilized during this visit because I could sense what she needed to hear and what she needed permission to say.  Having two totally uninterrupted days, chats in the darkness of the moonlit porch helped her to unburden herself and know that she was not in a box, but only a corner from which she can fight her way out, because we will help her.
• My time at the beach and lunches and dinners with Lin. She is so much fun and so upbeat and if I was in her financial position I'd be terrified but she is the ultimate "it will all be fine" person.  Having lived her life as a barely making it actress she was used to living on the edge and so she thinks her situation is pretty good.  It's all in your perspective and she gives me a whole new perspective.  I'm so glad we met on the shuttle bus that day. It's a real testament that you have to be open to people. We chatted on the airport shuttle, exchanged email addresses, and then she left for NYC and I left for DC.  Who knew she would end up being one of my best friends in Florida!
• The refrigerator repair man that fixed by refrigerator with a twisty-tie because the part would have cost $40 and he didn't want me to have to spend that much.  I love the beach!
• The manatee that followed me around in the kayak. He followed me around while I gently paddled around the river.  He would come right up to the side of the kayak and want to play.  A huge gentle giant.
• All the dolphins in the river and at the beach.  Lots of them at different times, cavorting and playing and feeding and putting on a great show.  And I get to enjoy this free of charge.  No swimming with dolphin tours for me.  They give me a great show each night as I enjoy my glass of wine.
• The pelicans that look like something pre-historic.  Most of them have moved on from their wintering on the island in the river, but a few seem to stay behind to save their favorite spot for next year.

 Now I'm preparing to leave for my other life.  With a quick visit to a girlfriend to break up my drive home I'll start a whole new kind of life. Equally good, just different.  But I realize that the common factor is a list of activities and events and friends.  Making friends doesn't come easily to me but I have learned that if you don't accept the risk of rejection you won't have the people around you to help you fight your way out of the corner so that you can get to "fine".