To the morons at the beach:

1)  Here in Cocoa Beach we have four beaches that provide life guards.  For most of the beach you are on your own.  The areas that are guarded are clearly marked.  If you are 15 feet outside the guarded area why don't you move over just a bit to where your children might be in the line of sight of the lifeguards.

2)  If the red flag is flying on the lifeguard seat that means "You moron, stay out of the water because if you are drowning we are highly unlikely to be able to save you and I might drown in the process of trying."  Do not let your 6 children of assorted ages go out into the heavy surf where many of them can barely keep their heads above the water while you sit on the sand talking on the telephone.

3)  If you have little children do not let them play along the edge of the water without an adult at arms length.  We can get a rogue wave and it has knocked down even a sturdy adult and pulled them out into the ocean.  You will absolutely not get there in time if it happens to your three year old while you are lounging in your chair on the sand, and even if you do manage to keep them from being swept away they will be traumatized for life.

4)  A cute little princess life vest might save your kids life.  Go to the beach shop and buy one instead of stopping at 7-11 for beer.

5)  Please note that if your kid or anyone else is drowning they will not fling their arms in the air and scream help!  help!   They will quietly slip underwater and you won't realize they are gone until you start to count heads and you come up one short.  Keep your eyes on them AT ALL TIMES.

6)  The lifeguards do their best but you are your kids best lifeguard. Use some common sense.