and my father and I have had our first argument. Tomorrow we leave for the Bermuda cruise. While I was at his house downloading a book to his Nook I told him that I would put things in my carry aboard bag for him so he didn't need to deal with one. He said that he had no carry aboard bag, that everything was in his suitcase. I said, "But you need to carry aboard your medicines and your hearing aid stuff. We don't want to be without it in case your luggage gets lost. I can put that stuff in my carry aboard."
Well, those of you who have followed bitching about my father can anticipate what came next. First we had the explosive "NO, I'm not carrying anything on board." To which I responded, "I know that. I'm going to carry it." After much discussion - through gritted teeth on my part and at high volume on his part - we agreed that I could pull the medicines from his bag and he would ask Maureen to to put them into her carry aboard.
But the hearing aid stuff. AH, there started the lies. First he said that the stuff was buried in the suitcase and it would be fine. I said "Humor me. Just take it out and carry it on board. You need your hearing aid batteries." "NO", he exploded, "the bag is all packed." So I said it wouldn't be hard to find the box, I'd just carefully unpack the bag. He really didn't want me to do that so I knew something was up. Clearly I wasn't going to find the hearing aid stuff when I unpacked and I didn't. At that point we had to look all over the house to find it because he didn't know where it was. Once we finally located it I left it in the little pile of things for Maureen to carry. Without his hearing aids we couldn't possibly have a conversation without the entire ship listening in. Luckily he is willing to wear them (not so much with his teeth, and I didn't check on those.)
I will be locked up at sea with this man for 6 days.
Thursday, June 07, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
On Sunday, I had the pleasure of attending graduation ceremonies at Trinity Washington University. Trinity College as it was known until 2004, was a Catholic women's college that for many years was known as a school for wealthy and powerful families who desired a small liberal arts education for its girls. Senator Nancy Pelosi, this year's graduation speaker, is an alumnus. When enrollment fell and after much dissent from former students who threatened to pull their financial support, it was remade into three separate schools - the College of Arts and Sciences which continues the traditional all female liberal arts curriculum; the College of Education which is co-ed and offers graduate degrees; and the School of Professional Studies offering women both undergraduate and graduate degrees serving working women in the Washington, DC area. Its academic standards remain high even as it reaches out to academically under-served areas of Washington.
A woman that I worked with, actually who was my secretary, was graduating. She completed college against enormous odds - drug abuse problems in her early adulthood, family issues that defy comprehension, a son and granddaughter with mental illness, lack of financial or family support. She had to do this alone and by any measure she was destined to fail. But she didn't.
She came to me a number of years ago and said that she wanted to do something more, she needed to be challenged to make the day go by faster. I told her to come to me with a plan of what she wanted to do, where she ultimately wanted to be in the organization and that I would look at it. She came back with a plan of classes and activities that would ultimately make her eligible as an economist. It was a real long shot. But we started with some in-house training and classes and she was dedicated and did well. Then she tried a college class and with some encouragement and tutoring finished with an A. Now she felt ready to tackle more and more. We could usually, not always, find a way that we could declare her classes to be work related - English, Economics, Math, Accounting - but she did have to pay for many of the core classes on her own which was a financial risk for her. And she just kept taking classes, sometimes two and three at a time while she worked full-time, dealt with myriad issues of her son and granddaughter, and took on new work responsibilities. And yesterday was the payoff!
It was a beautiful day on the lawn of the university and she had friends, but no family, there to cheer for her. Following the beautiful ceremony and lots and lots of pictures we went out as a group for lunch, the same as so many families on graduation day because we were her family when she thought she had none.
A woman that I worked with, actually who was my secretary, was graduating. She completed college against enormous odds - drug abuse problems in her early adulthood, family issues that defy comprehension, a son and granddaughter with mental illness, lack of financial or family support. She had to do this alone and by any measure she was destined to fail. But she didn't.
She came to me a number of years ago and said that she wanted to do something more, she needed to be challenged to make the day go by faster. I told her to come to me with a plan of what she wanted to do, where she ultimately wanted to be in the organization and that I would look at it. She came back with a plan of classes and activities that would ultimately make her eligible as an economist. It was a real long shot. But we started with some in-house training and classes and she was dedicated and did well. Then she tried a college class and with some encouragement and tutoring finished with an A. Now she felt ready to tackle more and more. We could usually, not always, find a way that we could declare her classes to be work related - English, Economics, Math, Accounting - but she did have to pay for many of the core classes on her own which was a financial risk for her. And she just kept taking classes, sometimes two and three at a time while she worked full-time, dealt with myriad issues of her son and granddaughter, and took on new work responsibilities. And yesterday was the payoff!
It was a beautiful day on the lawn of the university and she had friends, but no family, there to cheer for her. Following the beautiful ceremony and lots and lots of pictures we went out as a group for lunch, the same as so many families on graduation day because we were her family when she thought she had none.
Monday, May 14, 2012
The beach is sad that I am preparing to leave. It is cloudy and overcast today for the first time in over five weeks. I'm cleaning and doing last minute chores, like returning my books to the library. Then I'll have a quick stop to see the beach a last time, and finally pack the car for the trip home.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
getting to fine
Marianne of bushafullofgrace.typepad.com commented that she loved my life and I realized I do too. How lucky I am! Right now I am in a "life is good" place. I've sometimes been in the dark places where I see no solutions, no hope, great despair, terror, embarrassment....... but the mantra is "it will all be fine" until you come out at the other side. And "fine" is not necessarily "wonderful". It is fine. It is acceptable. It is 'I can live with this.' It is fine. I think that accepting 'fine' has brought me hope and happiness because I rarely am envious, I don't often covet, and I know that everyone's life is not nearly as wonderful as I probably think it is. So, I'm very happy when things are 'fine'.
So I have had a very 'fine' beach vacation. Initially Charlie stayed for two very busy weeks and then I was to have my private vacation where I had plans for long sits on the beach, lunch with friends, visits from a girlfriend. It all disappeared in a whirlwind, including an unscheduled visit by Charlie for a week in the midst of my "girl" plans. But it turned out to be very fine.
Things I have loved during this trip:
So I have had a very 'fine' beach vacation. Initially Charlie stayed for two very busy weeks and then I was to have my private vacation where I had plans for long sits on the beach, lunch with friends, visits from a girlfriend. It all disappeared in a whirlwind, including an unscheduled visit by Charlie for a week in the midst of my "girl" plans. But it turned out to be very fine.
Things I have loved during this trip:
- My visit with B. She really needed her time here to vent and decompress and be reminded that she has options in her life, and friends that date back to the baby pool. Friends that know that she deserves better and are perfectly willing to say so and to point options. My listening skills were well utilized during this visit because I could sense what she needed to hear and what she needed permission to say. Having two totally uninterrupted days, chats in the darkness of the moonlit porch helped her to unburden herself and know that she was not in a box, but only a corner from which she can fight her way out, because we will help her.
- My time at the beach and lunches and dinners with Lin. She is so much fun and so upbeat and if I was in her financial position I'd be terrified but she is the ultimate "it will all be fine" person. Having lived her life as a barely making it actress she was used to living on the edge and so she thinks her situation is pretty good. It's all in your perspective and she gives me a whole new perspective. I'm so glad we met on the shuttle bus that day. It's a real testament that you have to be open to people. We chatted on the airport shuttle, exchanged email addresses, and then she left for NYC and I left for DC. Who knew she would end up being one of my best friends in Florida!
- The refrigerator repair man that fixed by refrigerator with a twisty-tie because the part would have cost $40 and he didn't want me to have to spend that much. I love the beach!
- The manatee that followed me around in the kayak. He followed me around while I gently paddled around the river. He would come right up to the side of the kayak and want to play. A huge gentle giant.
- All the dolphins in the river and at the beach. Lots of them at different times, cavorting and playing and feeding and putting on a great show. And I get to enjoy this free of charge. No swimming with dolphin tours for me. They give me a great show each night as I enjoy my glass of wine.
- The pelicans that look like something pre-historic. Most of them have moved on from their wintering on the island in the river, but a few seem to stay behind to save their favorite spot for next year.
Monday, May 07, 2012
Monday, April 30, 2012
more random musings.....
Still at the beach, enjoying the weather, and the solitude, but wondering how I'd feel if I didn't have a husband and family to go home to. Since I was an only child I am very good at being by myself. It's a role that I understand and at which I am well practiced. In fact, I need time alone. But my friend L, who has never married, makes small comments about her life that makes me wonder how I would fare if this solitary life was forever.
My father is getting more serious about moving to a senior apartment complex. Another step in life. It will be a good decision but it is a milestone to admit that you should give up your house. I'm certain it is a very hard decision for him to make and I hope I can make the move easy for him, if he actually follows through. First we need to make an appointment with the place so he can get the full perpspective.
Am thinking about how to prepare for the Bermuda cruise we have scheduled with my father. It is purportedly my birthday present from him, but since I've NEVER gotten a birthday present from him that is preposterous. He just wants me around to handle all arrangements, luggage, etc - sort of his own private concierge. (He's done that before. Just ask me about our Ireland trip!) My father loves to cruise and has generally gone once year with Maureen. This year all four of us are going but taking Charlie on the cruise is like taking a two year old. He does not like to swim, sunbathe, read, or attend silly classes. He is a perpetual motion person who, on the one three-day class reunion cruise we attended practically created a groove in the deck from walking around and around and around to pass the time. This time we have lots of time at sea so he will be bored to death. I do not eat at buffets. They whole idea of the multitude of unwashed hands on the serving utensils, and the serving utensils falling into the food and the hands fishing them out...... Well, you get the picture. So I will eat every meal in the dining room, not the more casual buffet. This will really annoy my father who is like having another child and who wants to go to the buffet so he can pick his food and eat strange combinations of things without waiting for service. I've also been reading on-line forums about cruising and have determined that these cruising people are just strange. They spend tons of money on excursions such as swimming with dolphins, which is ecologically unsound at best, but obsess over how to save a dollar on their parking fee, or how to score a free while drink on the ship. They apparently do cost comparisons on the most expensive items on the dinner menu and delight in gorging on a least two entrees. These are not people that I think I have much in common with. I promise, however, that I will be charming to my father, will do my best to keep Charlie entertained, and will make pleasant conversation with the inhabitants of this strange netherworld (I feel like I just recited the Girl Scout Law.) and I'll probably even have a good time.
Still at the beach, enjoying the weather, and the solitude, but wondering how I'd feel if I didn't have a husband and family to go home to. Since I was an only child I am very good at being by myself. It's a role that I understand and at which I am well practiced. In fact, I need time alone. But my friend L, who has never married, makes small comments about her life that makes me wonder how I would fare if this solitary life was forever.
My father is getting more serious about moving to a senior apartment complex. Another step in life. It will be a good decision but it is a milestone to admit that you should give up your house. I'm certain it is a very hard decision for him to make and I hope I can make the move easy for him, if he actually follows through. First we need to make an appointment with the place so he can get the full perpspective.
Am thinking about how to prepare for the Bermuda cruise we have scheduled with my father. It is purportedly my birthday present from him, but since I've NEVER gotten a birthday present from him that is preposterous. He just wants me around to handle all arrangements, luggage, etc - sort of his own private concierge. (He's done that before. Just ask me about our Ireland trip!) My father loves to cruise and has generally gone once year with Maureen. This year all four of us are going but taking Charlie on the cruise is like taking a two year old. He does not like to swim, sunbathe, read, or attend silly classes. He is a perpetual motion person who, on the one three-day class reunion cruise we attended practically created a groove in the deck from walking around and around and around to pass the time. This time we have lots of time at sea so he will be bored to death. I do not eat at buffets. They whole idea of the multitude of unwashed hands on the serving utensils, and the serving utensils falling into the food and the hands fishing them out...... Well, you get the picture. So I will eat every meal in the dining room, not the more casual buffet. This will really annoy my father who is like having another child and who wants to go to the buffet so he can pick his food and eat strange combinations of things without waiting for service. I've also been reading on-line forums about cruising and have determined that these cruising people are just strange. They spend tons of money on excursions such as swimming with dolphins, which is ecologically unsound at best, but obsess over how to save a dollar on their parking fee, or how to score a free while drink on the ship. They apparently do cost comparisons on the most expensive items on the dinner menu and delight in gorging on a least two entrees. These are not people that I think I have much in common with. I promise, however, that I will be charming to my father, will do my best to keep Charlie entertained, and will make pleasant conversation with the inhabitants of this strange netherworld (I feel like I just recited the Girl Scout Law.) and I'll probably even have a good time.
Friday, April 20, 2012
Beach Week Random Update
We've been at the beach for week but I've only actually made it down to the sand three times. Whenever Charlie is with me it is a busy experience. One day a trip inland to see an airplane and visit some friends, another day down to Miami to visit his sister who was in a freak car accident on Easter morning - (Note to everyone: Always make certain your car is in park with the emergency brake on BEFORE you get out of the car.) We'll make another trip down there tomorrow. Yesterday we visited another airplane, and today he's off flying around. I'm going to tidy around here because we have a guest arriving Sunday and hope to make it to the beach before the thunderstorms arrive this afternoon.
I've also spent some time calling in favors to help G find a job in Ann Arbor. I only have three good contacts in her field but they are all willing to do what they can for her. If she was in staying in DC/Baltimore this would be easy, but in that case she wouldn't need the job because she already has one!
Yesterday I had the strangest experience where someone thought I was apologizing for our family being Cuban. I was chatting the the wife of the owner of the airplane Charlie was looking at. She was very nice and had lived in the Washington area, loved sailing and had a son who loved racing sail boats, etc. We were talking about how our children got interested and so passionate about their sport and as an intro to how my son got his first sailboat I said "We are Cuban.." which was the intro to the explanation that Cuban girls have a Quinceaños (think coming out party for 15 year olds) but boys don't get anything so our son talked us into cheap (almost free) sailboat as his quince años gift. But as soon as I said, "We are Cuban" this woman said, "That's ok." I had no idea how to react so, after I blinked a couple of times, I just kept talking. It's surprising how people's hidden prejudices emerge.
My friend with breast cancer has made it through her first round of chemo. I'm sorry to not be there but people have picked up the slack and have kept her entertained. Before I left we had found her a great wig and some nice hats and scarves as soon she will begin losing her hair. I also got her started knitting a baby blanket for her to-be-born-in-September grandchild and she's making good progress. So far only have one visible mistake that I think we can do a bit of embroidery over to hide. I'll practice my embroidery skills while I'm here as I haven't done any since I was in my 20's. I do still remember how to do a french knot so we'll see how it goes.....
I've also spent some time calling in favors to help G find a job in Ann Arbor. I only have three good contacts in her field but they are all willing to do what they can for her. If she was in staying in DC/Baltimore this would be easy, but in that case she wouldn't need the job because she already has one!
Yesterday I had the strangest experience where someone thought I was apologizing for our family being Cuban. I was chatting the the wife of the owner of the airplane Charlie was looking at. She was very nice and had lived in the Washington area, loved sailing and had a son who loved racing sail boats, etc. We were talking about how our children got interested and so passionate about their sport and as an intro to how my son got his first sailboat I said "We are Cuban.." which was the intro to the explanation that Cuban girls have a Quinceaños (think coming out party for 15 year olds) but boys don't get anything so our son talked us into cheap (almost free) sailboat as his quince años gift. But as soon as I said, "We are Cuban" this woman said, "That's ok." I had no idea how to react so, after I blinked a couple of times, I just kept talking. It's surprising how people's hidden prejudices emerge.
My friend with breast cancer has made it through her first round of chemo. I'm sorry to not be there but people have picked up the slack and have kept her entertained. Before I left we had found her a great wig and some nice hats and scarves as soon she will begin losing her hair. I also got her started knitting a baby blanket for her to-be-born-in-September grandchild and she's making good progress. So far only have one visible mistake that I think we can do a bit of embroidery over to hide. I'll practice my embroidery skills while I'm here as I haven't done any since I was in my 20's. I do still remember how to do a french knot so we'll see how it goes.....
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