My daughter and her partner would love to have a child.  KT discovered after many tests that she had a less than 1% chance of success of getting pregnant through artificial insemination or IVF due to the chemo she endured.  G is somewhat iffy about the whole pregnancy thing so they may decide their best option is adoption.  They're attending some info sessions to get a perspective on what the challenges they will face adopting being a lesbian couple with one partner with a history of cancer.  But they are also reviewing prospective parent profiles to see how people describe themselves to the birth mothers in their attempt to win the adoption lottery.   After reading some of them (who am I kidding, I read a LOT of them), most of them blend into white bread soup of 1) we really respect your decision, 2) we really want a child 3) we really think that we will be good parents and provide a great extended family experience, and 3) we live in a nice home in the suburbs with a yard and good schools.  You could pick any one of these people and not make a mistake that you could forsee.  So how would my letter read?

Dear Birth Mother,
I'm the potential grandmother of your child.  I did my very best with my two children and will always do my very best for your child, too.  I will provide love, direction, care, discipline, laughs, hugs, and lots of hand-knit sweaters and hats, and trips to the beach.

I realize that things don't always turn out the way we want them to or expect them to.  I imagine that is true in your case but I promise to support our child even when they make bad decisions and I will always love them, even when I'm mad or discouraged or disappointed in them.  Because that is what grandmothers do.  And I hope that your family is supporting your decision to allow your baby to be adopted. 

And I'd like to tell you that my daughters may not have a fancy house in the suburbs, or take European vacations, or even vacuum enough to please me, but they have love that is overflowing, and passion, and they will be the best mothers around, teaching their child about  love, and joy, and respect, and tolerance, and inclusion, and soccer, and basketball, and piano, and guitar, and there will be crazy poopy talk at the dinner table so that everyone rolls their eyes and laughs.  Because that is what families do. 

Please help them complete their family.

Sincerely,
The Grandmother

maybe it really is the end of the world

Our elected officials, ostensibly the people we think can best represent our interests, are acting like recalcitrant children.  The Republicans can't even get their own people to play well together, much less play nicely with the other team. And there is no end in sight to this temper tantrum.

After one of the most horrific episodes of gun violence ever, the NRA wants to energize its base to arm virtually everyone except those people on its "database of the mentally ill."  I believe that Wayne LaPierre, exec vp of the NRA, should be the first name in that database.  This man is truly delusional and dangerous and has a huge following through the NRA membership.  Scary.

And the pope rails against gay marriage in each of his recent addresses to his followers.  This hatred, this bigotry, from a man who is purportedly the personal emissary of god.

Are any one of these people in touch with reality?  Or have they been so taken with their self-centeredness and righteous anger that they are unable or unwilling to see anything but their own very narrow perspective?


I've not felt so hopeless since the Vietnam War.

My daughter posted this article - "A Day in the Death of America" - from the The Guardian, June 8, 2007 on her Facebook page.  Although it is from 2007 it is sadly still relevant today.  It follows one 24 hour period in the United States and the deaths due to gun in children under 19.   If the average number of gun deaths of children under 19 still stands at 9 as referenced in the article, and I have no reason to think that it has decreased, then since this article was published based on November 25, 2006 data,  that means that over 19,000 children have died due to guns (and don't give me that shit about 'guns don't kill people, people do.') And that doesn't even count those that were injured and maimed such as the two year old  little girl who was shot in the face, and her mother killed, last week in Washington as she was being held in her mother's arms boarding a city bus. 

How many more thousands of children will we sacrifice to placate our gun lobby?  It's a shame that the children don't have the deep monetary pockets to influence our politicians to do the right thing.   Every politician that has been swayed by the financial backing of the gun lobbyists should hang their heads in shame, as should those citizens who supported and voted for them.

When is the right time?

So, why, exactly, is it NOT the right time to get all political about gun control?  Why do people keep saying this?  When, exactly, would be the right time?  Never?  If I hear that comment one more time I will rip the cord out of the back of the television.  Let's use this anger and energy and outrage for some good.   And although there is tremendous shock to the killing of 20 six and seven year olds in their school, is it really less awful to have children killed and maimed one at a time by guns through random violence, accident, and design as happens every single day? 

And where is the outrage that a mother who had a son with acknowledged behavior and mental health issues - one news report I read said that she had told people he had Asperger's syndrome - had guns in her home?  Yes, she is dead and that's sad, but I can't feel all that bad for her as she did such a stupid, stupid thing.    In fact the current Connecticut gun laws had stopped the son from buying a gun, but the mother had them readily available to him. And she had assault weapons!  She was worried about her safety in her large home in her safest town in America?  Didn't she ever hear of intruder alarm systems that will summon the cops?  THEY have guns so you don't have to have them.

And some of the Republicans who now think that we should arm school personnel or have even MORE gun availability so we could shoot people we think are the bad guys.... This just leaves me speechless. 

And I know that there will not be sweeping change.  We will all wail and gnash our teeth and politicians will blather on and Christmas will come and this will fade from the news and maybe, just maybe, Congress will pass some watered down bill that will do little good because it has to pacify the card-carrying, gun-toting gun lovers, and some child will get shot and it will barely make the local news because it's not 21 children that were shot. 

Just let me have a personal bitching moment

We have leaves in our yard.  Lots of leaves.  The entire yard is full of leaves.  You cannot see the brown grass underneath.  There are two schools of though on raking leaves.  Do a little at a time so you never have HUGE amounts to deal with or wait until every last leaf falls and do one enormous leaf job.  My husband subscribes to the wait until the last possible leaf falls philosophy.  I have mixed feelings and probably fall into the middle - do two leaf  clearings with one about halfway through the season and a final one once every leaf is gone.  My husband said he would clear the leaves, since I do all the summer yard mowing, planting and weeding, if I would take the giant leaf sucking machine to be repaired.  I did.  It is repaired and in the shed.  It is enormous and ends up to be so heavy with the now wet leaves that I can barely maneuver it around the yard    But the leaves have been gone from the trees for at least a couple of weeks now, easily before Thanksgiving, and he never got around to sucking them up.  We are now approaching Christmas and I  can no longer stand dragging them into the house with every footstep to say nothing about it makes our lovely home look abandoned.  I made a couple of observations about the leaves.  I moved to a couple of  reflections that he needed to get that job on his schedule.  I continued to using the shame that ours is now the ONLY house in the neighborhood to still have piles of leaves in the yard.  After he said, "I'm going to be giving a flying lesson on Saturday" and the weather forecast for Sunday is rain, I realized that this was NEVER going to get on his schedule. I finally gave in and said "If you'll teach me to get the giant machine started I'll try to do the leaves this week."  I thought that at that he might realize that he really had pushed me too far but instead he replied, "If you pull the machine into the garage today I'll give you a lesson when I get home."

I am considering moving into a condo, without him.

Noche Buena Menu

Guests - 20 - 25

Dinner
Roast pork - purchased cook on Monday
meatballs - make on Sunday
Black beans - make on Sunday
Rice
Yuca and mojo - make on Sunday
Plantains
Bread - go to BJ's

Need some other non-pork main dish - Maybe Chicken and Yellow Rice?  Make it ahead and heat in oven?  MEATBALLS!

Desserts -
cookies,
turron,
guava pastries - buy at BJ's
pudin de pan - started thawing

Appetizers - 
Garlic Mushrooms
Olives - black and green, tuna, anchovy
Salami
Ham spread and crackers - make Sunday
Olive spread - make Sunday
Cheese and crackers
Plantain Chips
guava paste and queso blanco

It's pretty much the same every year,  Maybe I should just link to last years list.

It's time for a list

As the Christmas season gets into full-swing I feel like I'm falling behind.  This year I'm trying to not get insane with the shopping, rethinking, return cycle.  I've tried to just get things that the kids actually want/need and not worry about the "surprise" factor.  I really want to learn how to enjoy Christmas instead of dreading it.  But I feel like I'm approaching a critical period where a list is required to keep things in order.  So, bear with me for the next couple of weeks as I have my countdown.

• Invites for Noche Buena - email and hand deliver.  Get Charlie's guest list.
• Mail girls' packages.  
• Have Daddy sign check and card for mailing.
• Menu for Noche Buena
• Decorate.   Can I get someone to help?  Maybe Sharon would have as much fun with tree decorations a she did with cookies?  Not exactly the activity you'd think to have a Jewish friend help with but maybe she's curious on what she's been missing out on.
• Clean house.  Like really clean, not a lick and a promise.
• Get Charlie to clear the leaves, before you do it yourself and then kill him.  I got the big blower repaired, the least he can do is push it around.
• Order fresh ham on Friday for pick-up on Dec 21st.
• Purchase Dragon Speak on Friday at Exchange - sale starts.order on-line as I was too late  to the sale
• Today!  Buy children's books for bookclub and figure out a finger food to take to Margie's.
• Wrap gifts Still waiting on delivery of a couple but everything in the house is wrapped!
• Tidy D's room
• Will I have time to make 1 more pair of slippers?